if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
