my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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