Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
