Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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