My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
