anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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