Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
