So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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