I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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