Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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