So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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