I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
