Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
