You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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