Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
