Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
