totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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