she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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