Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
