If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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