her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
