I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
