I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
