some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
