I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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