Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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