I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
