It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
