Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Less talking, more tequila
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
