I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
