you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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