ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
