Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
