if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
