does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
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The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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