Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
