I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
