You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
