the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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