Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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