Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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