So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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