i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
