So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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