I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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