Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
