She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
