FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
