I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
