is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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