I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
