I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
