So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My ATM looks so different sober.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
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What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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