the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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