it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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