they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
