She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
