I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
