I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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