i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
