Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
