Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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